It's been a while but I'm back

After about a month's hiatus I'm back with a little bit of oomph. The simple swings and roundabouts of life have been a bit wearing recently but a couple of things have helped shift my perspective and got me back on track. There is nothing more valuable than good mental health and sometimes there are helping hands that emerge from unexpected places. So let's talk about that.

The letters of the AJ Merron Writes YouTube channel are often inspired by interactions with real people and this week's video is no different. My dear faraway friend(s) had their input over the past few weeks that have been extremely up and down for me. There's no sugar coating the fact that money has been a significant issue but the stress of that launched me into realms of self doubt. Creativity fell away from me and I immediately lost any capacity for keeping track of tasks and needs. Over the past month I've lost a significant amount of weight, which is both good and bad. Good in the sense that I needed to really for health reasons, bad because it wasn't really intentional. Still, people were there.

Family played their part but a big chunk of help I got came in the form of kind words and a willingness to support and listen from people I barely know. People that I increasingly feel comfortable calling friends but who I've never met in real life. The small community of people that I've found through my Instagram and Threads has been remarkable. A few in particular (and I trust they know who they are) have constantly been little beacons of light.

In the end I realised that the only way to find my way out was to look at the things that were holding me back. My own history, the elements of my life I'm most consumed by or feel guilt and embarrassment for. Take a look at those things in the bleak light of day and acknowledge them as just facts of my life. Accept them and question why they're holding me back, why I'm letting them consume me and why it is I let them hold me hostage.

This realisation came with remembering the Sartre that I'd read at University. One of the happy outcomes of doing a degree in Philosophy I guess. As I reread and reexamined several works the new video came into focus. Heading out I didn't really get as much footage as I really needed and this time I decided I didn't want any section of me talking to the camera. Although for those of you that like that element future videos are going to have more of it. In the meantime I hope you enjoy my little musings on change and moving on.